Hangovers Suck in Your 30s. Here’s What I’ve Learned.

I vividly remember sitting with my wife in 2003 at our first home. It was a little two-bedroom spot with a single bathroom, a tiny kitchen, and a laundry room that always flooded.

We were drinking cheap beer and playing Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater. It was the first one that they recently remastered now in 2020. It was a Friday night, so we talked about our week.

It was a conversation that went until 3 AM. I stayed up for another hour to keep playing. We got moving at 9 AM the next day to play some golf and do some hiking.

In our 20s, hangovers didn’t exist. You drank some water, took some aspirin, and you were good to go.

Last night, my wife and I did the same thing to celebrate the game’s release. I’m paying for it now.

Here’s What I’ve Learned About Hangovers Now

It starts with a whole-body ache. I woke up this morning feeling like I’d been run over by a truck. My head was throbbing, the world was spinning, and it felt like the cat had stabbed me in the eye.

I went to the bathroom. The urge to vomit was real. That’s when I forgot how to open the toilet.

Desperate to contain the mess, I threw up in the bathtub instead.

After turning on the bathroom fan to stop the smell, the sound triggered another bout with vertigo. Since I still couldn’t remember how to open the toilet, the bathtub got another round of bodily fluids.


That’s when my wife rushed into the bathroom. I dodged her attempt to throw up in the toilet in the nick of time.

After about an hour of ongoing misery, we made our way to the kitchen. The kids had made some oatmeal for breakfast. We rushed back to the bathroom.

Throwing up used to be a sign that you’d had a good time. Now, I just wanted to die.

Once things calmed down and we got some meds in our system, we surveyed the damage. The sheets needed to go through the laundry, someone had to clean up the bathroom, and the kids were all talking louder than usual for some reason.

We looked at each other. I think she shrugged first. We stripped the bed, locked the door, and waited for the world to become a better place.
I thought the coronavirus lockdowns were terrible. A hangover in your 30s is worse. A friend told me about taking Renew Life or Herb Pharm to help detox my body, but I’m not so sure. I’ll ask around and report back later.